Blank

Anyway, it's been awhile since I posted something here. I feel like writing right now, when there is no way else I can let out the pain in my heart. Is it pain? Don't know. It just feels so wrong and hurts a lot. Can't think of anything. Just.. Blank.

I think I have found the half of me. Someone who loves me a lot. Too much that I can't handle the feels by myself. The one whom I think really fits with me so much, the one who understands me even I don't say a word at all, the one that makes me think that I'm a princess who worth a billion diamonds. I feel like, I have found 'the one'. I hope so.. Really.

You know, when people say something like, you needed to think twice and live your life like a teenager should be.. I didn't think I could do that at all. Because I wasn't in the first place. I'm a grown woman. I'm 20. And I want my self to be the real 20. But when I'm with him.. It's just.. I feel like.. I can't. I'm his princess, I should be proctected, I need to be loved. His life is.. Me. I'm spoiled. 

Actually, the thing that hurts my heart a lot that I think he's not that serious like he says he is. It's just that I'm the only one who tries here, and he is the one who fills 'the fuel'. What kinda fuel? Money? Expensive gifts? I don't know. Those are the way I feel. Come on, he wants me to meet his parents. He pushes me over and over to meet his parents when there is NOONE there who knows who the hell I am. So, what should I do?

Blank.. Can't think of anything. I need my mom really.

Hfffffttt I want to hide myself so no one could find me. So that I can live my life freely and happily. I just ruin myself with loving someone so hard and make a decision to be his so soon when I can't guarantee my self to not to be this hurt. I know he loves me so and I him. But.. I think of nothing. Blank. Zzzz